I am having a dilemma.

I don’t know if I want to run a full marathon on May 6.

Correction: I know I don’t want to run a full marathon on May 6.

So what do I do?

Reason why not #1: My foot is effing sore

I know that losing toenails is a rite of passage for runners. People run toenail free all the time. But, in this tender early stage, I can barely wear shoes. (In fact, I didn’t wear them for a week at work. Thank goodness for a casual work environment and having several superiors who are even crazier runners than I am.) I’m not sure my foot can hack any more training — or another monster race. To make matters worse, the left foot is feeling the beginnings of something serious. It’s okay until I run, then it hurts like a mofo for a few days after.

 

Reason why #1: I’ve trained this much already

I am going to run a marathon. One day. But, as its been pointed out to me by a few helpful people (thanks Matt!), if I don’t run this one, I’m going to have to start at ground zero all over again. And this training cycle was physically challenging, mentally challenging and time-consuming. Do I really want to abandon all this training so far for what could turn out to be only a hypothetical situation?

 

Reason why not #2: Around the Bay was great

Around the Bay was probably my best long-distance race experience yet. I had fun and felt strong. Does it not make more sense to focus on the positive, focus on the 30k coming up in August and grow slowly as a runner, instead of potentially diving in over my head because I’m stubborn and silly?

 

Reason why #2: Around the Bay was great

I spent weeks worrying about about not being ready, for not having trained enough and for not being strong enough. But I was wrong. I was ready. I had trained enough. I was strong enough. Why would 42.2 be any different than 30 — especially when the 42.2 course is so much easier than the 30 one?

 

Reason why not #3: Am I really ready?

I took a week off before ATB. I took the week off after. And the week after that. And the week after that was my lowest mileage since early in the training cycle. Call me lazy, but I think I’m just burned out and not enough of a “real” runner yet to push through this. I don’t want to say I’m a quitter. I’m a hard worker who understands my limits and listens to my body. What this means is that I pretty much stopped following my training schedule post-ATB. And that’s not good.

 

Reason why #3: Everyone already knows you’re planning to run a marathon

Matt knows. Jill knows. My mom knows. All twelve people who read this blog know. Do I want to be seen as someone who gives up? NO!

 

Reason why not #4: I’m tired of running this much

See reason Why Not #3. Burn out. It feels real. And it’s not going away. Running has taken over my life. When I sleep revolves around running. What I eat revolves around running. My entire social calendar revolves around running. And while I like running, I’m not sure if I like running this much.

 

Reason why #4: These are just excuses

If I just got out of my head and ran, it would be okay. I don’t need to win the damn thing, just finish it. And the race gives you 6 hours to do it.

 

There you go. And I need to decide soon. The more I sit on my rear end, wallowing, the less ready I become for 42.2. Should I do it?

 

Right now, I’m leaning to downgrading to the half-marathon. I know I can do a half and have a great race. Then focus on having fun this summer. I’ll still run — I plan to sign up for a couple 10ks and 15ks and focus on getting faster — but none of this 60km a week stuff for a while. I need more yoga in my life. I want to sign up for recreational basketball. Try suspension yoga. Do things that are not running.

Tomorrow, Jill and I will run up the CN Tower. Then I’ll decide, definitively.

 

UPDATE (8:34am on Wednesday, April 18): I did it. I signed up for the half-marathon. I’ll give this marathon dream a go another time.

 

What the hell have I just done?