For months, I’ve been waffling on what to do in spring 2014. Do I do another full marathon? Do I not do another full marathon? I’ve gone back and forth on this forever. I did know, if I committed, I’d run the Ottawa Marathon. It’s relatively close to Toronto, and every runner I know sings its praises. And after doing a small race as my first full, I want to give a big race a try.

But I wasn’t sure. My body still isn’t 100 percent. I have other projects on the go and have sacrificed my social life quite a fit for the sake of fitness in 2013. Marathon training is time consuming. I thought about getting an even faster HM PR. That’s a goal that could easily fit into my life.

Then, I had a weekend where I lost my mind. I had no work that needed to get done, no fitness I needed to accomplish, no places I needed to be. It was a weekend to laze about, do nothing and indulge. It was still a productive weekend: I made soap and applesauce and bread, caught up on Nashville, and got a solid amount of reading-for-work done.

I hated it. I need goals. I need to be working towards something, always. I need structure. And I need an obsessive amount of fitness in my weekends in order for me to feel good about them.

So yesterday, I ponied up. I paid the money and emailed the coach. I will be running my second full marathon on May 25, 2014.

And I want to do it in sub 4:00.

(This might be insane. But we have 6 months to determine whether that’s the case.)