What doesn’t kill me makes me stronger

Fitness is a constant battle of self-doubt and self-defeat.

I can’t do this.

I don’t want to do this.

This is too hard.

What’s the point?

I have at least one of these thoughts – usually most of them – every single day. Before a workout. During a workout. After a workout. I’ve skipped workouts because of these thoughts. I’ve given up during workouts because of these thoughts. I’ve let fitness goals slip away because of these thoughts.

Why?

Enough of that. I need to replace this negative self-talk (which can spiral out of control really quickly) with positive self-talk.

I can do this.

I want to do this.

I am crushing it.

I am strong.

I will achieve.

This is worth it.

I am worth it.

This battle is actually harder than the working out, the running and the waking up early. The getting in my own head enough to believe that running long and hard is a valuable, worthy thing I can do – and can do well.

I’m working on it. But damn, that voice inside my head can get so loud.

Let’s start at the very beginning, a very good place to start

Week one of my 10-week Mississauga Half-Marathon training program is in the books.

It didn’t go great.

Two things threw me off: a very long day at work and a little cold. I could have powered through one or the other, but the one-two punch basically knocked me out Wednesday (I left work early because I felt terrible and went to bed at 4pm), Thursday and Friday. I am freaked out because the training program is so short, but I am also trying to temper myself. I missed two runs. That’s not the end of the world.

I am also struggling with how to access the next level of my running. During my NYC training plan, I had access to a Running Room marathon clinic run by a very fast, aggressive instructor. ┬áHe ran with me and he kicked my ass and he made me a much better runner. This time around, the clinic is much more chill and celebratory. So I need to figure out – and fast – if I have what it takes to push myself to the next level or if I need an external source pushing me there.

We will see.