I had no idea what to expect heading into this race. My coach told me to run it hard so we had a base for training paces. But after doing no speedwork in like 8 months and only running regularly the past few, what is hard? What was I capable of? I mentioned sub 55:00 on the phone to my coach and she was coy, in a way that made me think I could definitely go faster. But was sub 50 possible? It didn’t seem so.

I decided to go for the impossible. The guy who ran my last marathon training clinic once said— after I said there was no way I could run a 1:45 half-marathon — “What’s the worst that could happen? You DON’T run 1:45? Who cares?” I try to remember that every time I set a scary goal. Running, as important as it is to me, is meaningless. I am the only person who is going to care what those numbers are.

A couple other runners also wanted to go sub 50, so my plan was to stick with them until I blew up. I was nervous, but also in the back of my mind started to believe sub 50 was doable.

We all went out too fast.

Race excitement, a downhill start, a crowd surge — it pushed us all forward.

I immediately fell behind my friends, but had them within sight.

4:51.

No need to catch up.

4:51.

Whoa, consistent splits?

I CAN do this.

4:56.

Still on pace for sub 50.

458.

Slowing down is bad.

Then it got hot. And I got hungry.

5:07.

Fine.

I need water. I walk through the water station.

5:25.

Damn it, pick it up.

5:02.

Ugh, not enough.

I’m still hungry.

Oh more water, thank god.

5:33.

Two km left, get up this hill.

5:17.

If you run like hell… maybe? Probably not, but 50:XX would be great.

So I ran like hell.

4:51.

51:06.

I could have pushed harder. I could have been smarter. I could have stayed more positive. But 51:06 after almost 8 months of being on the injury/comeback train is a good place to start.