For the past couple years, I’ve had a word of the year to guide me. I usually stick to it pretty closely until April, abandon it totally for a few months, then come back to it in August/September – birthday/back-to-school time.

I’m really struggling to pick a work for 2019.

I’ve been super into Eliud Kipochege’s ideas of discipline, simplicity and freedom lately. That in order to be truly free you should live a disciplined, simple life. Then the joy, the success will come. For two weeks in December, I basically did this – had a rigid schedule of run, work, gym, home Monday-Thursday and said no to any social engagement that happened Sunday-Thursday – and it was great. It lightened my heart and my mind. But it did feel a little isolating and it’s not super realistic.

But those words: Discipline. Simplicity. Freedom. They feel to negative and too narrow.

This is what I want for 2019:

I want to work really hard on my health and fitness. Commit wholeheartedly to making good, healthy food and making good, healthy choices. To throw myself wholly into marathon training and finally walk away with a marathon PB I can be proud of. Work on my mental health – I sleep like shit and my anxiety spirals out of control sometimes.

I want to be present, engaged and positive at work. To bring my best self to the table every day and to commit to a positive attitude.

While I want to do do less socially – say no to events and invites I am only mildly interested in, say no to things that get in the way of my health and well-being even if it’s something like keeping me out until 10 or 11 when I don’t want to 100% be there – I want to be a better friend and show up for the people I do care about. Do more for them.

So maybe the word of the year is Commit? Full? All-in? Something along those lines: whatever I do, to do fully and with my best self, and say fuck it to the rest. Whole?

I’m probably overthinking this. But this is what I do.

I have this week of work and another Christmas this weekend. So I’m letting my own new year actually start on January 7. I hope to actually have a word by then.

And if I don’t, that’s probably OK. How can you sum up an entire year, an entire life, in a single word?