It’s been a week since I got back from Disney. Almost two since I ran Dopey. And since then I have gone to yoga. Once.

Normally, this would make me feel guilty, anxious, ashamed. That I am setting my level of fitness back. That I am being lazy. That I am not working hard enough towards my marathon PR or losing weight or being stronger and faster.

This time, though, I am tying really, really, really hard to give myself a break. I ran two marathons in two months. I got sick in December and again in January. (Probably a sign I am pushing myself too hard.) Work is ramping up. So I’m trying to focus on being generous and gentle with myself. Let my body heal and get some rest. Enjoy sleeping in a bit later because I’m not heading to the gym or a fitness class before work. Enjoy spending a few hours reading on my couch when I get home. (I am childless, so I have the luxury of time when it isn’t consumed by fitness.)

This is difficult for me. But I’m trying. And I know it will be better for me in the long run. It goes back to working on my word of the year, after all.

My plan is to ease back into a routine the last week of January. Get rolling in February. Then on Feb 28, kick off a really, really hard half-marathon training plan.

Being still isn’t easy. In my body or my mind. But I need to keep trying.